The life of me

Yesterday was a pretty nice day. Went to the gym, did a little shopping, went out with friends...fun times right? Just a few things that I thought I'd point out....

Yesterday my girlfriend and I went to Macy's because I need new undershirts. The woman who helped us was telling us about some of the crazy stuff that she encounters working in the men's underwear section. As you can imagine, men are clueless when shopping. I don't know if you've ever been to the Macy's in Herald Square, but it has to be one of the largest stores in the world and it can be a tad overwhelming for even the greatest shoppers. Men in general are not those people. Now, picture men shopping by themselves, in Macy's Herald square, in the underwear section. It's almost like watching the tourists in Times Square. They kind of just wonder, eyes darting everywhere, completely lost. The woman who helped us said it's quite interesting working there as some men have even asked her to look in their underwear to find out what size they wear. (Reason #4309 why you should go to college).

After shopping all day, we took a little nap and got ready to go out for the night. This particular night would take us to Hoboken, NJ where we used to live but don't frequent that often. In order to get from NYC to Hoboken, you have to take the PATH which is basically a subway from NYC to Hoboken. We got on the train and were able to snag seats which is CLUTCH when riding the PATH since it is a 15 minute ride not counting the actual wait to leave.

While we were waiting to actually pull away from the station, this older couple was giving us dirty looks like they wanted us to give up our seats. When I say older, I mean 50. Now, I'm all up for giving up my seat when need be, but I think 50 is pushing the "give up your seat for the elderly" thing, don't you? I turned to my girlfriend and said "Unless a really old pregnant woman comes by, I'm not giving up this fucking seat." She thought that was hysterical, I was just being honest. 50 years old? Not pregnant? I think not.

I used to ride the PATH from Hoboken to NYC everyday when I lived in Hoboken, so I'm quite familiar with the etiquite of the PATH. I cannot tell you how many times girls my age have walked onto the PATH and given me dirty looks for not giving up my seat for them. Who do you think you are?! I'm sorry, but the days of guys giving up their seats for girls is OVER. Equal rights only when it's convenient for you right? (that would be a great t shirt lol).

So, back to yesterday. We arrived in Hoboken and walked a few blocks up to a new bar called Nine. Now, here's the thing about Hoboken. Over the last few years, there have been many bars that open up that try to be what we call "city bars". They try to go for the hip, loungy, overpriced feel of an NYC bar, but to be honest, it just doesn't work. Why? Because it's still Hoboken. Nine is one of those bars.

We knew we were in trouble when the guy at the door told me that I couldn't wear my converse sneakers next time. There hasn't been a single time in NYC that I have been told this and I wear my converse almost everytime I go out. Meanwhile, my friend is wearing a sweatshirt, but he's wearing shoes so that's ok. Nice dress code.

Strike one Nine

The shmuck who designed this place is an idiot...that's all I have to say. The front room is a long and narrow room with a bar along the left side leaving the right side for patrons. I'd say there's about 12 feet between the right wall and the bar...not a ton of room, but more than enough. What Nine does is puts a bench along the right wall (taking away 2 feet) and tables in front of those seats (another 2 feet). Now we're down to 8 feet of room for patrons. Needless to say, when this place gets even a tad full, it's impossible to move anywhere and there's nowhere to stand. In addition, the bathroom is on the third flight. THE THIRD FLIGHT!

Here's how I imagine that conversation taking place:

"Hm, we're going to need a bathroom somewhere in this place"

"Yea, but where?. The first flight is designed incredibly well with our long narrow bar and nowhere to stand. No room for a bathroom there!"

"You're right. Back room's out of the question because we actually have two rooms with space for people because there's no bar back there. What shall we do?"

"I know! Ya know that third floor that looks like it was originally used as storage and has the really narrow stairs going up to it?! We can convert that into bathrooms!"



Yea, genius my ass. I could barely walk up these stairs sober. After a few drinks and the flood gates were open? Forget about it. I was holding on for dear life thinking "I'm going to die at Nine? You've got to be fucking kidding me"

Strike two Nine.

Even though putting the benches where there's no room was a dumb thing to do, not taking the seat if it's open is even dumber. We grabbed a few seats and set up home base. About two hours into the night, the manager came up and told us that we'd have to move over a few seats because the table was reserved for bottle service. BOTTLE SERVICE?! You've got to be shitting me. Talk about the ultimate "we're trying to be a NYC bar" move.

In case you dont know, a lot of nicer bars and clubs in NYC offer bottle service. What this means is that if you want a table, you have to order a bottle of liquor. Sounds ok right? No, not ok. These bottles are insanely overpriced. I'm talking at LEAST $250 for a bottle of Grey Goose. However, if clubs want to guarantee the highest level of clientele, this is what they do.

In Hoboken? 5 dudes rolled up for their bottle service table, saw that it was the exact same space I was sitting out without bottle service, turned around and left with the manager following saying "this isn't the only room! there's more! there's more!"

Strike three Nine.

Of course, we had a great time. We love the people we were out with and we could have been at a Nazi bar in the trailer park and still had a great time. Oh, and Happy Birthday Lisa!

So, now I'm going to go back to being hungover and back to being mad at myself for having McDonald's last night (SO FUCKING GOOD).


The Girlfriend said...

Thanks for leaving out the part where I fell over that guy's bike on the Path.