9/12/05

Redneck as Hell



I have several shops besides my JWG Design store, one of which I thought
may be more entertaining than jwgdesign. It's called Redneck as Hell,
and I created it to benefit my brother-in-law after his recent massive
heart attack. He is 38 and has had kind of a hard life. Sounds really
entertaining, right? :-) He is an admitted redneck, and like many of
the folks around these parts that are rednecks, he doesn't mind being
called one. And we aren't talking about the evil rednecks, that hate
people they don't understand, etc. These are country folk who don't
feel the need to be any other way.

I solemnly swear that what I am about to tell you is completely true.

We'll use his stage name here, Maverick. He is a former exotic dancer
with an artificial hip. No, he did not get the artificial hip from
exotic dancing injuries. He danced with an artificial hip. The hip came
about from an accident in high school in which he was hit by a pick-up
truck. He stepped out from behind a school bus, and the pick-up truck
hit him. He went on to overcome the injury to shake his stuff all over
North America.

How did he do so, you ask?

It's a classic story of two best friends who decide, on a lark, to
enter an amateur stripping contest, at their favorite country music
nightclub, "Country Music, USA." The final 2 contestants would compete
at an upcoming show featuring a professional male stripping group.

For seven weeks, Maverick and his best friend competed against other
contestants, rising through the ranks until the inevitable happened,
they were the last two contestants. What had started as a lark was now
a full-blown dream, but for Maverick to win, his best friend had to
lose, and where was the victory in that?

Maverick danced his heart out, but it just wasn't enough. His best
friend won, and Maverick's hopes of stripper glory were dashed. He went
back to his life as a regular guy. Well, a regular guy who had bared
his cheeks in front of a full night club for 7 weeks.

Two days later, the phone rang. It was the manager of the professional
male stripping group. He had a bus ticket with Maverick's name on it,
and he wanted Maverick and his best friend to be on a bus to Seattle in
2 days.

The rest is history and also a litany of stories, some that would make
you laugh till you cry and some just cry. Maverick ended his stripping
career as the half-naked assistant to a female stripper whose act was a
magic show involving a mountain lion. But not before he danced to a
beat up old boombox on a crappy folding table in a freezing cold
Quonset Hut in Alaska with a rubber band around his equipment to offset
shrinkage. Doesn't sound dangerous, but one of his fellow dancers ended
up in the emergency room afterwards with a burst blood vessel in
his...well...down there...

This past June, Maverick had a massive heart attack brought on by a
particular blocked artery known in medical circles as the "widowmaker".
He survived something that few people do.

So, to help bring in a little money, I created the store for him, based
on a phrase he uses. When people say to him, "No offense, but this
redneck guy did this or that...", he always answers with, "Aww...I'm
redneck as hell."

That's the synopsis of his life story as a stripper. I left out a lot
of the details. He tells these stories a lot better than me.

Thanks,

John

No John, thank you. What an awesome story. John's artwork is brilliant, but we're also huge fans of his stuff because he's just awesome. Keep up the great work John. Make sure to check out his other shop: jwgdesign.

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